I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
