I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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