apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
