you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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