why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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