well you can't waste a boner
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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