i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We left the knife in your bed.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Randomize
