Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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