Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
