Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
