I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How does it feel to date your dad?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
