i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
