dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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