I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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