You really coming over, don't trick.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
