I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
