Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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