the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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