it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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