He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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