I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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