I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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