I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
