Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
