Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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