Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
