it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
