i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
