If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
