He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
