dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
