ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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