I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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