Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
my liver is dry heaving
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
