Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
