Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Randomize
