Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
