I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
