overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
