Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
