Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
