Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i was born a porn star she said
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
