just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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