We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
