like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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