Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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