did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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