Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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