i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We don't watch enough power rangers
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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