I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
