I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
