I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
