Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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